clients from hell :D

I've spent the past day or so reading through 100+ pages of clientsfromhell.net
omg 8D Some of them leave me speechless.

So then I thought about my own experiences and thought I'd share some of my own more amusing (though only funny in hindsight) exchanges with clients/job offers/etc.

I really hope none of them see this, or rather, recognize themselves... lol. Some of the situations are instantly recognizable. Luckily for me, I generally get good jobs with pleasant and reasonable individuals, so I don't have any super outrageous stories xD (but read that site!!)


Here we go. I paraphrased a bit:


Client: Hey, we need [work], [work], and [work]. Oh and can you get it to us by Friday?
(This email is sent to me at 2am on Friday.)

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(designing an instructions booklet)
Client: I need these instructions translated into different languages. Hey you know French right? Can you translate them to French?
Me: Oh I don't think my French is fluent enough for that...
Client: It's ok, no one reads these anyways! So you can do it right?
Me: I guess if I use a dictionary I should be able to piece it together okay.
Client: Great! Can you translate it to Spanish too? French and Spanish are almost the same, right?

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Client: Hello, I need this [work] done by April 5th.
Me: That's yesterday..!

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Client: I need some photos of black women, but I don't have a black model and I don't want to spend money on a stock photo. Can you take this photo I found of Michelle Obama and warp it in Photoshop so that she looks like someone else?

(I crop and warp it.)
Client: Hmm... I don't like this photo, she looks too black. Let's just take this caucasian woman and photoshop her darker.
Me: Uh, I think that will look weird.
Client: No it's ok, no one will know.

(I do it. It looks awful)
Client: This photo looks terrible. Let's just take out the black woman altogether.

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Client: Hey Nuriko I got this great idea for a game its gonna make a lot of money!!! I'll let u draw it for free and when its out u can have a cut ok let me know if u intersted!!!

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(not a real job-job, but a job nonetheless)
Client: Can you guys illustrate this 5 minute video? We need it done in a week or so.
Me/Bassa: Ok, we'll need the lyrics ASAP so we can start drawing for it right away.
(We receive the lyrics a week later. The video included over 130 pictures. We pull all-nighter to finish it in 3 days.)

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Me: I'm going to be on an out-of-town trip. I'll be back Tuesday.
[Client phones my house thrice on Monday and leaves many annoyed messages.]

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Client: I need a photo of hands for this product's packaging, but I don't want to pay for a stock photo.
Me: Why don't you just take a picture of your own hands?
Client: Hmm, no, my hands are too old. I know! Let me take a picture of YOUR hand!
Me: What? That's... Uh... Ok... Fine.
Client: You have pretty hands. Come on, I'll put nail polish on your nails.
Me: ........
Client: It's dumb to just have it on one hand, I'll do your other hand too.
Me: ........

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If you guys have any of your own, do share! 8)