I've spent the past day or so reading through 100+ pages of
[link]omg 8D Some of them leave me speechless.
So then I thought about my own experiences and thought I'd share some of my own more amusing (though only funny in hindsight) exchanges with clients/job offers/etc.
I really hope none of them see this, or rather, recognize themselves... lol. Some of the situations are instantly recognizable. Luckily for me, I generally get good jobs with pleasant and reasonable individuals, so I don't have any super outrageous stories xD (but read that site!!)
Here we go. I paraphrased a bit:
Client: Hey, we need [work], [work], and [work]. Oh and can you get it to us by Friday?
(This email is sent to me at 2am on Friday.)
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(designing an instructions booklet)
Client: I need these instructions translated into different languages. Hey you know French right? Can you translate them to French?
Me: Oh I don't think my French is fluent enough for that...
Client: It's ok, no one reads these anyways! So you can do it right?
Me: I guess if I use a dictionary I should be able to piece it together okay.
Client: Great! Can you translate it to Spanish too? French and Spanish are almost the same, right?
--------------------
Client: Hello, I need this [work] done by April 5th.
Me: That's yesterday..!
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Client: I need some photos of black women, but I don't have a black model and I don't want to spend money on a stock photo. Can you take this photo I found of Michelle Obama and warp it in Photoshop so that she looks like someone else?
(I crop and warp it.)
Client: Hmm... I don't like this photo, she looks too black. Let's just take this caucasian woman and photoshop her darker.
Me: Uh, I think that will look weird.
Client: No it's ok, no one will know.
(I do it. It looks awful)
Client: This photo looks terrible. Let's just take out the black woman altogether.
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Client: Hey Nuriko I got this great idea for a game its gonna make a lot of money!!! I'll let u draw it for free and when its out u can have a cut ok let me know if u intersted!!!
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(not a real job-job, but a job nonetheless)
Client: Can you guys illustrate this 5 minute video? We need it done in a week or so.
Me/Bassa: Ok, we'll need the lyrics ASAP so we can start drawing for it right away.
(We receive the lyrics a week later. The video included over 130 pictures. We pull all-nighter to finish it in 3 days.)
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Me: I'm going to be on an out-of-town trip. I'll be back Tuesday.
[Client phones my house thrice on Monday and leaves many annoyed messages.]
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Client: I need a photo of hands for this product's packaging, but I don't want to pay for a stock photo.
Me: Why don't you just take a picture of your own hands?
Client: Hmm, no, my hands are too old. I know! Let me take a picture of YOUR hand!
Me: What? That's... Uh... Ok... Fine.
Client: You have pretty hands. Come on, I'll put nail polish on your nails.
Me: ........
Client: It's dumb to just have it on one hand, I'll do your other hand too.
Me: ........
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If you guys have any of your own, do share! 8)
`ChewedKandi has certainly gone out of her way to keep the vector community on the right path. Always making sure that her talents are infinitely scalable, Sharon has put her bezier curves to excellent use, and firmly anchored herself as an inspirational leader. We're absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for June 2013 to `ChewedKandi. Congratulations, Sharon! Read More
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Yea... and if you don't read the rules, you won't get anything out of this.
What you have to do
Advertise; you don't have to but is looked up upon
Fanime was amazing but it totally left me sick for weeks 
after I got better, I went through the letters I got and found one that had nothing but $20 and a note describing one of my posters. It looked like someone made a mistake and accidentally gave me their money without getting a poster. I want to return that money so If it was you, please e-mail me at Yuumei.yan@gmail.com with your name and address.
My job is not easy so be nice to your psychologists people! Not everyone in psychology is in it for the paycheck and some are actually very nice and helpful!
I think that's my favorite. x)
= w = Almost...
client: Can you explain me what this is?
me: Oh that? It's a <insert some long detailed explanation here, followed by questions from my student>.. Is it clear?
client: Yeah
A week later...
client: I will have a midterm tomorrow, can you explain me what 'this' is? (the same topic as I had explained a week before)
me: ....
Later, I found that she didn't understand anything about the topic that I explained her, no matter how many times I explained her.. After that student, I quit being a tutor..
Thanks for sharing the link, I've been reading this stuff for hours and I laughed so much. Loved the client who thought gifs would still move when printed and the person who wanted black to be darker.
Oh stupidity, we're still searching for thy limit.
Have you seen [link] Dumbdeviantart on tumblr? It's also amusing ;3 Capslock boy is top quality giggles, too.
I got a note from a guy once asking me to draw a girl hugging an airbag from side of point view. I was most confused. And his page was chock-full of pictures of... girls hugging airbags. Yes.
What the? Airbags? Weird fetish is weird.
Just...I've seen stuff similar to this. People just going around and bugging artists. It makes me lol. x'D I mean, seriously. And on this one site, there was a dude who wanted an artist for a comic, and he talked as though artists would surround him. Just, no.
Well, just remember: if you ever did request some work from someone you'd know how to do it more intelligently