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August 28, 2011
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clients from hell :D

Journal Entry: Sun Aug 28, 2011, 4:47 PM


[Prints & Merchandise for sale here]

---------------------------


I've spent the past day or so reading through 100+ pages of clientsfromhell.net
omg 8D Some of them leave me speechless.

So then I thought about my own experiences and thought I'd share some of my own more amusing (though only funny in hindsight) exchanges with clients/job offers/etc.

I really hope none of them see this, or rather, recognize themselves... lol. Some of the situations are instantly recognizable. Luckily for me, I generally get good jobs with pleasant and reasonable individuals, so I don't have any super outrageous stories xD (but read that site!!)


Here we go. I paraphrased a bit:


Client: Hey, we need [work], [work], and [work]. Oh and can you get it to us by Friday?
(This email is sent to me at 2am on Friday.)

--------------------

(designing an instructions booklet)
Client: I need these instructions translated into different languages. Hey you know French right? Can you translate them to French?
Me: Oh I don't think my French is fluent enough for that...
Client: It's ok, no one reads these anyways! So you can do it right?
Me: I guess if I use a dictionary I should be able to piece it together okay.
Client: Great! Can you translate it to Spanish too? French and Spanish are almost the same, right?

--------------------

Client: Hello, I need this [work] done by April 5th.
Me: That's yesterday..!

--------------------

Client: I need some photos of black women, but I don't have a black model and I don't want to spend money on a stock photo. Can you take this photo I found of Michelle Obama and warp it in Photoshop so that she looks like someone else?

(I crop and warp it.)
Client: Hmm... I don't like this photo, she looks too black. Let's just take this caucasian woman and photoshop her darker.
Me: Uh, I think that will look weird.
Client: No it's ok, no one will know.

(I do it. It looks awful)
Client: This photo looks terrible. Let's just take out the black woman altogether.

--------------------

Client: Hey Nuriko I got this great idea for a game its gonna make a lot of money!!! I'll let u draw it for free and when its out u can have a cut ok let me know if u intersted!!!

--------------------

(not a real job-job, but a job nonetheless)
Client: Can you guys illustrate this 5 minute video? We need it done in a week or so.
Me/Bassa: Ok, we'll need the lyrics ASAP so we can start drawing for it right away.
(We receive the lyrics a week later. The video included over 130 pictures. We pull all-nighter to finish it in 3 days.)

--------------------

Me: I'm going to be on an out-of-town trip. I'll be back Tuesday.
[Client phones my house thrice on Monday and leaves many annoyed messages.]

--------------------

Client: I need a photo of hands for this product's packaging, but I don't want to pay for a stock photo.
Me: Why don't you just take a picture of your own hands?
Client: Hmm, no, my hands are too old. I know! Let me take a picture of YOUR hand!
Me: What? That's... Uh... Ok... Fine.
Client: You have pretty hands. Come on, I'll put nail polish on your nails.
Me: ........
Client: It's dumb to just have it on one hand, I'll do your other hand too.
Me: ........

--------------------

If you guys have any of your own, do share! 8)

  • Listening to: ENGAGED / Mizuki Arisa
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsavagefrog:
SavageFrog Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow...some people are just terrible. I'm a psychology student (*insert random stereotype here*). Everyone believes that it's ok to tell me their problems about their daily lives (P.S. a broken nail is not the end of the world! Not having enough to pay rent because you spend all our time on said nails instead of working will most likely cause more problems than you can imagine. Consider that some people are in far worse conditions than you & get on with it!) I feel sorry for those with an actual medical condition because they are not receiving the proper services, I don't mind trying to help them but if you're upset that your boyfriend isn't spending EVERY WAKING MOMENT with you & watching sports instead, the problem isn't entirely his fault, it might be you. I do not mind-read or tell you what to do, the power of change comes from within (literally). On top of that, we actually don't get paid as well as most people believe (we spend our money our money on secretaries, insurance, rent, self-denfense classes,etc.)
My job is not easy so be nice to your psychologists people! Not everyone in psychology is in it for the paycheck and some are actually very nice and helpful!
Reply
:iconthaliaanderson:
ThaliaAnderson Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2011
"I'll let you do it for free."
I think that's my favorite. x)
Reply
:icontrinketchi:
Trinketchi Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2011
o - o" I'm almost afraid of going into this feild now....

= w = Almost...
Reply
:iconshicmap:
shicmap Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I used to work as a private tutor..

client: Can you explain me what this is?
me: Oh that? It's a <insert some long detailed explanation here, followed by questions from my student>.. Is it clear?
client: Yeah

A week later...
client: I will have a midterm tomorrow, can you explain me what 'this' is? (the same topic as I had explained a week before)
me: ....

Later, I found that she didn't understand anything about the topic that I explained her, no matter how many times I explained her.. After that student, I quit being a tutor..
Reply
:iconraininess:
raininess Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:rofl: I love the "oh, and also translate the booklet into several languages" one. And the hand person, hahaha.

Thanks for sharing the link, I've been reading this stuff for hours and I laughed so much. Loved the client who thought gifs would still move when printed and the person who wanted black to be darker.
Oh stupidity, we're still searching for thy limit. :XD: (So glad those aren't my clients)
Reply
:iconmechafishmechanics:
MechaFISHMechanics Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2011
Oh goodness! I love ClientsFromHell xDD
Have you seen [link] Dumbdeviantart on tumblr? It's also amusing ;3 Capslock boy is top quality giggles, too. :D

I got a note from a guy once asking me to draw a girl hugging an airbag from side of point view. I was most confused. And his page was chock-full of pictures of... girls hugging airbags. Yes.
Reply
:iconnuriko-kun:
nuriko-kun Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2011
No I have not seen that 8D LOLLLL I'll be lurking there now, thanks for the link xDD
What the? Airbags? Weird fetish is weird.
Reply
:iconthehorrorromantic:
TheHorrorRomantic Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2011  Student General Artist
"Client: Hey Nuriko I got this great idea for a game its gonna make a lot of money!!! I'll let u draw it for free and when its out u can have a cut ok let me know if u intersted!!!"

Just...I've seen stuff similar to this. People just going around and bugging artists. It makes me lol. x'D I mean, seriously. And on this one site, there was a dude who wanted an artist for a comic, and he talked as though artists would surround him. Just, no.
Reply
:iconpoki-grzyb:
Poki-grzyb Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i want to see your hands :3
Reply
:iconkiriramdeo:
KiriRamdeo Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
Holy crap. I have a friend who used to do graphic art for clients and he told me about some commissions like this.

Well, just remember: if you ever did request some work from someone you'd know how to do it more intelligently ;)
Reply
:iconpockii-chan:
pockii-chan Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2011
I have this urge to see your pretty hands now. ;A;
Reply
:iconluna1245:
luna1245 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2011  Student General Artist
I'm a call router.. so basically that means I am the computer system that routes you onwards through several prompts before you get to anyone or anything of value. Here's how most of my day goes (Other than the screaming tech support..) Luckily I don't have to reply, but let me tell you we have a button for everything. There is no reply, but if you want the order of what would be done, well, it's fairly obvious.


Hello.. Hello.. Are you real?
~Are you real button~

Hello is this -Obvious service called-?
~Not found button~

Hi, my name is Yadda Gibberish and I am looking to buy -Useless itcm-, but I feel I need to have a little more time and information before I just go on and buy it. I mean these -Useless items- are really expensive and I think it might be better if I could just speak to a live person.
~Sales,item mentioned, agent button~

My internet doesn't work. You need to fix it now.
~Depending, usually not found~

My phone isn't working, could you do something about it or send me to tech?
~Not found.~
Reply
:iconnuriko-kun:
nuriko-kun Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2011
What? Really? I always thought it was a voice recognition program 8D
Reply
:iconluna1245:
luna1245 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2011  Student General Artist
Yep.. I deal with jerks screaming in my head, for hours on end. We occasionally goof up and mis-route a call or two.. or fifty... I handle on average around 40 thousand bits of 1 second to 1 minute sound clips. All on a forty hour work week and about three gallons of coffee.
Reply
:icongaarasemox3:
GaarasEmoX3 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Wooow... Jus spent a couple of hours on there, thanks for the link!
Reply
:iconguardianspirit:
GuardianSpirit Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
LMAO I had a similar experience as you where someone wanted me to make a game. But they didn't want to pay me because the 'honor' of working with them should be enough. Why do people always think it's acceptable to demand things from artists for free? I wouldn't go to a builder and demand them to make me a building for FREE. /stupid is as stupid does
Reply
:iconnuriko-kun:
nuriko-kun Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2011
I know 8( It's so arrogant.
Reply
:iconlordskinnykingluva:
LordSkinnyKingLuva Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2011  Student General Artist
I was babysitting for a family one night, and we had a conversation go like this:

Client: Thank you so much for babysitting! Did they behave okay?
Me: Oh, yes, they were great!
Client: So, you got here at six and we got back at three, so that's nine hours... um...
Me: So, that's fifty-four dollars.
Client: ...I don't have fifty-four dollars... Do you accept giftcards?
Me: What?
Client: I only have a Wal-mart gift card for $25... didn't I mention this?
Me: .... No, you didn't...

I accepted the gift card, and as it turns out, it was partially used. I bought a pack of gum and a snickers bar. That's all I could afford with that gift card. Thank you, lady.

I never babysat for her again.
Reply
:iconmechafishmechanics:
MechaFISHMechanics Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2011
Should've asked her to pay you the next day or something. Seriously, man. D: But yeah-- good thing you never baby sat for her again.
Random comment is random. :\
Reply
:iconnuriko-kun:
nuriko-kun Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2011
That is so wrong == Spent all her money going out or something? Who walks around cashless?
Reply
:iconlordskinnykingluva:
LordSkinnyKingLuva Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2011  Student General Artist
I don't even know. But it was really ridiculous.
They didn't even offer to write me a check.
AND, they were paying me 2 dollars under my standard rate, but whatevs. There are better people out there than they.

That is a very funny website though!
Reply
:iconaliciakp9:
aliciakp9 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
You poor fellow...
Reply
:iconstarrberry:
StarrBerry Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You have immortal patience. 0:
I..had a teacher do something similar to one of those clients so I feel your pain. ; ~ ;
Reply
:icontotoro-nose:
Totoro-Nose Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
LOL! Like Einstein said, the world has an infinite amount of stupid people...

Me: So, this is a job, right?

Client: No! It's more of a fun experience for you while you take care of my daughter, and then I pay you!

Me: Isn't that a job?

Client: No, no. Jobs are activities that you pay people to do!
Reply
:iconkellish:
Kellish Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
*Ring, ring*
Client: Do you have this book? My son has to have it this week.
Me: No, the person who was supposed to tell us about it never did, so we couldn't order it. Let me transfer you to the other desk and they'll special order it for you.

2 minutes later...

*Ring, ring*
(Same) Client: I just talked to this girl who said you didn't have it, but do you have this book?
Me: That was me. We still don't have it.

Yep.
Reply
:iconnuriko-kun:
nuriko-kun Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
Lol! Awkward 8D
Reply
:iconquiksilver04:
QuikSilver04 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
LOL I love that website! My teacher showed it to our class XD Gotta love clients...

Hmmm I haven't had too many projects to work on yet with clients that were kinda...frustrating (My teacher used to say clients are "dumb". Great and smart at what they do, but no clue about what you have to do).

So I have this project I'm working on the moment. Been working on it for a long while. Why? Cuz I needed feedback and stuff the client was gonna give me (pictures and info). I can't do anything until he comes and decides what design he wants and I get what I need. But he kept putting it off ("I'm busy can we do it tomorrow?" etc.) Eventually nearly 2 months goes by. He comes over to do a favor. When he's done he asks, "Hey so how's the website going?"... :|

I didn't even know what to say. I was thinking though, "It's not going! You know it's not going!!! How can I go when you haven't come over to make decisions!?" How could he not remember if we met up or not? OTL||| And he keeps telling me he needs it done asap...Anyway he just ended up telling me to do whatever I want :/

I DON'T EVEN.
Reply
:iconsecant1:
secant1 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
Hehehe. Thank you for this site. It made my day. Heck it will probably make the rest of my life :hug:

I received a call at my old job working in an art store:

Me: Thanks for calling, how can I help you?
Client: I'm looking for a thing.
Me (waiting for further details and not receiving any):...can you describe this 'thing'?
Client: It has a handle.
Me:...ok, um, are you looking for a paintbrush?
Client: No, no, it has a blade.
Me: So you're looking for a knife?
Client: Yes!
Me:...are you looking for an x-acto knife, a utility knife? We have a lot of different kinds.
Client: It's for doing small details.
Me: So you're looking for a detail x-acto knife then?
Client: No, no, it looks like a scapel that surgeons use.
Me: Yes, you want the x-acto knife then.
Client: No! Ok, listen. Give me your email there and I'll send you a picture of it.

I proceeded to give her my work email, but I never did get one. I have a feeling that she couldn't find the thing, to send the picture of the thing with a handle.
Reply
:iconnuriko-kun:
nuriko-kun Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
"It has a handle." HAHAHA
Reply
:icontinayan:
tinayan Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Student General Artist
lmfao thank you. so much. that site is amazing. i know what i'll be doing for the rest of the week...
Reply
:iconmanda-j-panda:
manda-j-panda Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Student Digital Artist
Hmmm... the worst/funny experience I had was: (I work at a Hallmark store)
A regular customer comes up and hands me a .99 card. She then hands me a rewards certificate for $3 off your purchase.
Me: Are you sure you want to use this coupon? Once you use it you can't use it again..."
Her:Yeah, I don't have any money on me today and I really need this card so just use it.
Me:Are you sure you don't want to get something else to bring your total up so you're not wasting the rest? Because you can't us the rest..."
Her:No, that's fine. Just use it. :)" (She gives me a big smile)
So I use it and she promptly asks: "So when can I come back and use the other $2.01?"
Me: "Uh... you can't. I told you that you can use it only once!"
She stares at me in stunned silence, then screams :"OH MY GOD!!!" stomps over and grabs two more cards and promptly throws them over the counter into my face. D8
It wasn't funny until the next customer in line walks to the other register where another associate rings her up, and she picks up a little tin of mints that say "Bitch Mints" on them, and says "Maybe you should have given her these free of charge." Then we couldn't stop laughing!!
Reply
:iconjjak:
jjak Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
I love that site, it's my air and water~
Reply
:iconshadowofthenightwolf:
ShadowOfTheNightwolf Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
LOL, awesome xD
(ooooh and you made me addicted to this site now, BTW...)

I worked at a nature reserve for a while once and I got the following call, from a monastery:
Client: "Hey there, we have an owl in our garden. It's sitting in a tree."
Me: "Uh, yeah. I mean, uhm, that's great."
Client: "No, it isn't. Can you please remove it?"
Me: "Why?!"
Client: "Because some of our visitors are scared by the owl just sitting there."
Me: "??????? No, I'm sorry but we can't just come and remove the owl..." o.O
Reply
:icondima-chan:
Dima-Chan Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
hahaha! You have ... interesting clients. :XD:
I have some stories like that to share(but not with clients).

1- (I drew a picture of my class using a graphic tablet and I hung it on the classrooms wall.)
Classmate: How did you draw it?
Me: I used a graphic tablet and did all the drawing and colouring on Photoshop.
Classmate: What's a graphic tablet?
Me: *explains*
Classmate: Wait.... if you do it on a computer, doesn't that mean that the computer does all the work? ....so you don't draw...
Me: *speechless*

2- -At 4th grade- (I was trying to explain some science stuff to the boys in my class)
Me: Humans are mammals.
Boys: Are you saying that we are ANIMALS?!
Me: There's a difference between the words 'animals' and 'mammals', animals are nearly all living creatures, fish are animals. But mammals are creatures that breastfeed and DON'T lay eggs, like monkeys.
Reply
:icondima-chan:
Dima-Chan Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
UGH! I added the comment instead of previewing it >.<

Completion:

Boys: You're still saying that we are animals. You're offending us! Do we look like monkeys?!
..........We don't want to talk to you.

Me(In my head): What? ........How could they be so,,, STUPID D:<
Reply
:iconavialea:
Avialea Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
Lol, I do remember one instance of sorts here on dA:

Client: Can you draw this character for me, but in this style here. *links reference*
Me: I'm sorry I don't have much practice with digital painting, you'll have to look elsewhere.
Client: No I just meant the original looks flat, can't you just mimic the style of the reference I gave you?
Me: .......

It's like they didn't even look at my gallery before trying to commission me. Or they think every anime artist can just automatically imitate any style under the sun. Idk. xD
Reply
:iconmarshmellowheaven:
MarshmellowHeaven Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
Customer: could you find me a application form for [blah blah]

Me: Ah sorry the as a library that's not our job you see, even if we did have time to look for [blah blah] application we wouldn't know were to look for it or if its the right form. Sorry about that.

Customer:...if YOU look for it I can pick it up later yes?

*started getting funny with me*

Me: I'm sorry but I really do not have time to look for it myself since I really have to go home now.


Customer:...... YOU look for it I can pick it up later.

By this time someone else stepped in and specifically said that we can't do that xD and they walked off in a huff.
Oh joy.
Reply
:icondeathbysquirrels:
Deathbysquirrels Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
Oh, my goodness! This website is killing me! These people are so...not smart! XD (to refrain from calling them stupid...>.>)
Reply
:icontheslayrest:
TheSlayrest Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Student Digital Artist
The last one is funny. :))
Reply
:iconlpdisney:
LPDisney Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Professional Filmographer
OMG yours are worse the mine! I think the worst meg I got was to make 40min animation (using "disney" style) for 400$ ! Oh! and I believe there was another one similar for 100$ ! and don't get me started on annoying clients who have no clue what they want and want me to figure it out for them, and on my spare time! URG.
Reply
:iconnuriko-kun:
nuriko-kun Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
40 min animation?! Hoooly D8 What did it take, like a year??
And yes! "annoying clients who have no clue what they want" <<- this exactly D8<
Reply
:iconfoolishbearfighters:
FoolishBearFighters Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
ok LOOOL This just has me wondering what the hell you work as XD I love customers.
My fave one recently ( I work in a supermarket) was a lady handed me a coupon for money off fruit and handed me a carrot and said "this will take money off carrots right,". Me, "No. It's off fruit. A carrot is a vegetable." her : "Oh". The rest of the customers in the line "...wtf?" lol"
Reply
:iconnuriko-kun:
nuriko-kun Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
I work as an artist, except for that one client, for whom I am simultaneously a web designer, packaging designer, translator, proof-reader, and hand model =3=

Heheh 8D Was she embarrassed?
Reply
:iconfoolishbearfighters:
FoolishBearFighters Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
Wow! That's so awesome that you can do work related to something you're so amazing at. Good for you. Clearly it has always been my life's dream and my natural born talent to bleep stuff through a checkout XD Oh ho ho lol.

As for that customer? No. Entertainingly she wasn't embarrassed at all lol.

Another favoutite is when I get people standing at the end of my 2 metre checkout and holding up an item and staring at me and going "Can you tell me how much this is?" And just standing there. Holding it. Expecting me with the almighty power of staff to simply know the price of all 2 zillion items we sell lol

The last time someone did that, I did actually say. "I'm sorry, but I don't have arms like mister tickle or superman vision, so I can't reach it from all the way over here. Any chance you can just pass it to me?"

That made them embarrassed lol.
Reply
:iconninnt:
ninnt Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011   Digital Artist
From the outside it's really funny but when you're in, you must keep calm so hard @_@ I really don't know what convo is the stupidest..Maybe the 5th April =__= or the game thingy... Poor You :hug:
Reply
:iconnuriko-kun:
nuriko-kun Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
Lol yep, it's a pain when it's actually happening and only funny when you tell people afterwards. (That's why you must share the stories, or you suffered for nothing!)
Reply
:iconcrimsoncypher:
CrimsonCypher Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hahahaha, that one with the black women had me in tears absolutely hilarious.

I've only had one bad one which is where I told the client I only drew in japanese manga style and when I drew the picture, she got upset and told me she wanted comic book style. I was "WTF, have your money back and don't message me again".

Silly people are silly.
Reply
:iconnuriko-kun:
nuriko-kun Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
Lol you're so nice! You actually gave her money back for not listening to you in the first place =A=
Reply
:icon0navyblue:
0navyblue Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
oh my gosh thats so funny xD i like your nail polish incident, it kinda reminded me of today when i lent my friend my fork so she could use it to eat yoghurt (we didnt have a spoon), and her sister took it, thinking it was hers and starting licking the yoghurt off the fork while i stood there awkwardly.
Reply
:iconjaqky:
Jaqky Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2011
omg this is weird and funny
Reply
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